i don'tknow why i am feeling this way now.
it's painful.
having to face death now.
i thought it would all be happening when i'm older.
i thought i wouldn't need to have such feelings now.
i've said before. i can't accept the face so readily.
i might not be able to understand how my aunt felt.
but, somehow. i got the pain.
i cried in the hospital.
i cried when i got home alone.
uncle might not be close to me.
but, i saw him every occasion.
every mahjong session at grands house.
everytime when we eat durian, he will siam far far away.
he detest the smell.
i might not remember what kind of a person he is.
my only memories about him was,
when i'm young, i used to play with his only child.
and i dote on him alot.
but, he don't understand and scold me for that.
but, it was because he is his only child.
i don't blame him for that.
he was just being protective.
i heard from my aunt that he was a kind person.
who will pray for a passerby.
sigh. i really hope he would rest in peace.
uncle, we promise we will takecare of aunt and gareth for you.
i believe they will stay strong for you.
hope you'll be living happily up there now.
maybe its true.
for some they say.
because god has already forgiven you and thus he is bringing you back.
i really hope that was the case.
i'm sure you'll be better up there.
enjoying your life.
god bless, RIP uncle ivan.
it was hurting to face death.
but, life still has to go on.
remember, lifes unfair,
anyone can just collapse and are gone like that.
cherish everyone around you.
don't do anything to make yourself regret.
to that special someone.
if you know who i am referring.
we have been super close.
we have been super understanding towards eachother.
but, too bad. everyone has changed.
i hate the way you speak now. to me, you speak as if you were very great.
i am happy for you whenever something good happens to you.
whenever lifes good for you.
but, now. i won't think much about that anymore.
because, i don't feel that you need me anymore.
i don't feel the same for you as the past anymore.
i will still be here.
but, you won't be my first whenever something happens.
because i don't need you to use whatever tone you are having towards me now.
i hate the way you speak to me.
like, i owe you something.
i hate it whenever you vent your anger towards me.
i might do it to you too.
but, nolonger now.
whenever i am super angry, i still try to talk nicely to you.
we'll understand eachother.
no more now. totally no more.
you can lead your life yourself with your own circle of people.
i don't think i'm one of them anymore.
may everything be running smoothly for you.
as, i won't really get to see them anymore.
you will be blissful. i have always been telling you that.
leave it bah. i realise,
there are nothing much for us to say.
nothing to think about what holding back bearing with eachother.
take good care of yourself.
know what you're doing.
all the best(:
Labels: i love my daddy. you're the only one who supports me.
